Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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