friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
BRING THE BAGELS
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
