Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
