I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
