That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
