last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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