first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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