apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
