I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
