I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
