So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
