I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
