My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The beer is more important than you right now.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
