There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
