It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
