the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
