Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
