Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
