So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize