sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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