omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
