I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
