im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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