I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
