Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
