new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
