Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
