I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
