If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
