the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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