I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
soo... how was my night?
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