There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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