you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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