I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
