Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
