we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
