i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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