So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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