My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
