i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
