she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
