I hate all girls vehemently.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Randomize