u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
