you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
