It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
