Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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