You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
His nipple licking is glorious
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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