Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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