Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
