Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
